more firsts

hmm. what have i been up to...what have we been doing...just business as usual. not much going on. it's one thousand degrees. so we don't go out. except when we take a family trip to florida just in time for the groundbreaking hottest days in florida history. thankyouverymuch. it was a great first trip to the beach for R and C. they loved. and i loved it for two days. and then i was ready to not have to rescue sand from peoples' crevices and sweat, not just to the oldies, but all. the. time. oh and C and R went to their first movie a la movie theater! are you curious? it. was. awesome. (and it was, obvi, curious george). we came. we sat. we saw. we ate our weights in popcorn. and we made it through the entire movie! i was fully prepared for a fight and a departure and another fight b/c C would not want the departure. but it was all harmony. i even got the soundtrack to remind us of our success. oh, another first...first baseball game. and i thought our first year was our year of firsts. third year? firsts o' plenty. i ate a hot dog (for shame!). let's not talk about contents. and how i don't really eat meat. and when i randomly decide to randomly eat a meat product, i go for just the by-products. the nastiest of the nasty. and then i share it with my children. and it.was.awesome. i doused it with ketchup, mustard, and relish, so there was only a hint of hot dog flavor. um... am i talking more about a hot dog than my kids? i think so. but it was probably the beer. the beer helped. anywho. first, first, first. and they're giant people. real bonafide humans. they use words like "actually" and "although" correctly in sentences. i've been thinking this whole time that it may be easier to have two kids going through the same stages at the same time. rather than, let's say, a toddler and newborn. that sounds hard. to me. so i'm all...hey, teething at the same time! check! it's bad. and then it's done. hey, diapers at the same time! check! it's bad. and then it's done. and why am i now thinking 15 years ahead when they will both graduate from high school. at the same time. hey, childhood at the same time! check! it's happy. and then. it's. done. waitasecond. no need to stress now. but it just reminds me. even in the middle of a bad. i'm going to cling to it. even amidst cryingscreamy time, sometimes accompanied by stomping of feet, i'm going to hold on to it. because that stage will be gone with the others (please). and then it will be high school. and i'm not in a hurry. even though i'm currently thinking about halloween costumes (um, october) and birthday party (um, november). and a new iphone (um, next week) and wallpapering one wall in my dining room (um, never). and a hot dog.

diapers or car?

"oh, those are the expensive ones" said a mommy at the library after she borrowed one of C and R's seventh generation diapers.

later i watched her get into her range rover.

and even later...i had a thought.
maybe if i switched to a cheaper diaper, i could get a new car.
maybe diapers are the only thing holding me back!

maybe i should have used newspaper this whole time.

apparantly these are the only people who can afford seventh generation diapers.

but this is the car i want:

really i just want to load the kids in, roll down the windows, and sing "i think i love you" really loudly.

mr. robot-o

word to the wise: don't teach your kids songs that A. you don't really know the words to, and B. contain words in another language (ie., when you find out the words you didn't know, it turns out you cannot pronounce them.) they're not in english. this is not a learning opportunity for my kids (or I) to learn a new language. that's what dora is for. how can anyone think of anything but "Mr. Roboto" when you see a robot? what else is there? the song just leaped from my lips. "do do do do do doh Mis-ter Robot-o" C and R caught onimmediately. "what's the other song?" asked C. translation: what are the words? what are the words to the song besides do do do do doh and Mister and Roboto? we got that. what else is there? mommy mental note was made. look. up. words. it should be harmless enough and if it gets raunchy i can just change the words like i did for rebel rebel by david bowie (ie., instead of "hot tramp i love you so" i simply insert a real kid's name for the "hot tramp" part. done and done. none the wiser. and before you go thinking i am crazy for introducing this song, i need you to know that the words "rebel rebel your face is a mess" also leaped from my lips one time long ago with the introduction of food. i didn't exactly plan it out. i'm sure you understand. and let us not forget how i saved the falling baby by changing the words of "rock-a-bye baby." true humanitarian.). so back to my robot-o lyrical blunder..."domo arigato, mister roboto." thankyouverymuch. literally. it means thank you. in japanese. maybe this is a learning opportunity for my kids (and me)! except. they didn't stop there. damn that styx. as if cursing our world with songs like "lady" and "come sail away" wasn't bad enough. "domo arigatou o-hima dedomo arigatou himitsu wo shiritai domo arigatou." um...shittake. what am i supposed to do with that? i just got domo arigato down. now this? apparently when mr. robot-o has time, styx would like to know what his secret is. (loose translation. by me.). and then it occurred to me. OMG WHYHAVEISPENTTHISAMOUNTOFTIMEONSTYXLYRICS? seriously. cultural enrichment aside. so here we are. i will choose my songs more carefully. i will make sure i know the lyrics. i will try to keep lyrics from leaping. i will try. suddenly i am thinking that R and C probably think i also don't know the words to that police song i keep singing to them. "da do do do da da da da." no really. that's it.

i found mr. robot-o like this in the dining room. apparently he needed a diaper change. domo arigato.

parting is such sweet sorrow

or is it? i used to have to hide from my kids when i was, say, in the kitchen and they were in the living room. they couldn't see me. or the MAAAMAAAAHHHH (while standing behind bars, ie. gate, with their little fingers clenched). would ensue. it. was. torture. for all of us. and sometimes when i leave, even now, there are tears. and sadness. it makes me feel terrible. like i'm abandoning them. even though we just spent the last 11 hours together for the day, i am now abandoning them. um, with. their. father. i'm pretty sure they're ok. and i'll be back! i promise! i always come back! don't they understand?! it's sadness. and then, sometimes, it's not. and i'm all "what the H?" R just said "big hug" and C just said "bye mommy!" a little too enthusiastically. don't they love me? won't they miss me? why are they not crying and blubbering that i am leaving? hello i'm abandoning you! be sad! cry! show a little emotion!
bipolar, much? (me, not them. they appear to be chemically centered, barring the occasional 2.5 year-old-melt).
i don't think it's long before R packs my bag for me and scoots me out the door. thanks for playing. unless i just jinxed myself and from here on after there will be epic meltdowns and i won't be able to leave the house ever at which point i'll post another blog entry about how i am a prisoner in my own house. i mentioned bipolar didn't i?

p.s. if someone is going to pack my bag, can this be it?

dressobsessed update

well after trying on a kagillion dresses, i was starting to lose my obsession. quickly. but i'm reporting back with my purchase. i'm excited to tell you that i will be wearing the same dress (well, same-not exactly the same-mine is new) worn by kim cattrell on oprah this year (though if i did have her dress, ebay would be profitable post party). i tell you this not to dress namedrop, but because this is as close to samantha as i will ever be. and i like the dress. thank you neiman marcus last call for not making my CPW (cost per wear) ridiculous. and i found a babysitter! (and i still get to drink lots of wine).

dress success

amen

with the new found fun of constant questions and constant repeats and well, just constant talking in general, we were bound to run into some inappropriateness right? right?! i'm sure it's fine. it was a kid-friendly church service after all. we're strangely quiet for a moment. actually the whole church is strangely quiet for a moment. uh oh. "EASTER BUNNY!" "Where is the Easter Bunny?!" "See him." "I want to see him."

it's not like we don't talk about Jesus. you couldn't yell out a little "Jesus" on a day like today? you picked the easter bunny? um, we're kind of at church. not the egg hunt. that's what i get for bribing you to stay in your seats with fruit snacks (compliments of the easter bunny, ironically. see how i do this to myself?). i think they still think Jesus is a baby (since Christmas). i tried to explain that the picture they saw of Jesus today was of grown-up Jesus. but. it's a process. C thought the grown up Jesus was "Jesus' daddy" (still thinking of the nativity, i would imagine). thank everything (well, God, in particular) that we all got to sing "Jesus Loves Me" (fan favorite). then R brought us all home with some huge and critically timed AMEN's. sounds like AHHHH MEN. with a nod.

amen.

oh. you know i totally watched this show back in the day.

dress obsessed

i'm dressobsessed. for me this time, not my toddler. i need a dress. OMG i need a dress. which means i have a reason to need a dress! a wedding. not mine. though i'm feeling like i haven't purchased a dressy dress since my own wedding, almost six years ago. no, no. i must have needed a dress in the last six years. yes. but not the last three years. no. so i'm off to a wedding, evening wedding. as long as a babysitter drops out of the sky (holding an umbrella would be best). and more importantly i need a dress. even if i wear it only once (low CPW, obvi) i can justify it. because what was i wearing in early 2005 exactly? not sure. but it doesn't need to come back out now. so it's my new current obsession, well one of them. oh dresses. if mary poppins doesn't pop into my home maybe i'll just get one of these numbers and sit in my living room with a bottle of wine.

i threw in a couple haute couture from the forever 21.

because they are twenty-two dollars and eighty cents each.

and that means more wine for me.

BS

C and R are in serious brussel sprouts love right now. no one loves brussel sprouts. au contraire mon frere. i know two people who love them. i'm pretty sure that as i type this i am putting a big fat jinx into the universe and tomorrow i'll cook up the BS (brussel sprouts, not the other kind of BS, though i cook that up regularly as well), and R and C will laugh in my face, then throw their heads back, cackling, flailing their little IKEA plates full of BS into the air, demanding enriched pasta. but for now i'll just be happy.

:)

bzzzzz...bite

i have the spring shopping bug. a few days of 80 degree weather and i'm off to wardrobe swap my closet. sweaters out. capris in. i-can't-believe-i-wore-that-last-year-let-alone-10-years-ago. seriously. i am still actively wearing pants from college. yay they still fit. boo they should go away. far far away. the shopping bug doesn't only bite my wardrobe. it also bites home furnishings. if only i could plunge through the doors of anthropologie, throw my arms open and exclaim "wrap it up!" i would take it. all. really, i would. now my pesky little shopping bug also bites kids' toys. big toys. toys that almost count as furniture and would absolutely be considered furniture by R and C if i would let them, say, sit or stand on them. i have a continual running list of future toys in my brain at all times. on said running list, recently, has been 1. train table and 2. dollhouse. "i'll get them when they're [i'm] ready for them," says my brain. i do some research via the internets. see which ones i like. which ones take up the least amount of square footage. which ones are not pink. or plastic. so what am i supposed to do when some fabulous person in my mothers of multiples group (hello, can i plug my mothers of multiples group for just a moment? one of the major, i mean major, twin perks, of which there are a kagillion. but every new mother should have the benefit of a group of 300 people who know exactly what she's going through at any particular moment and can offer advice and help and so on. it's. awesome. oh and there's stuff. back to the stuff...) offers a train table for a whopping 5 bucks?! bzzzzz...bite. seriously. she is basically asking me to steal her train table. so i did. it needed a little work. but paint away and here it is. a "new" be-u-tiful train table. and then that dollhouse. ok it was a little more than $5. like $115 more. but it was on sale and they gave me 40% off the floor model! bzzzzz...bite. who can turn that down? it was that damn pottery place. they got me again. it still needs furniture but i'm looking elsewhere for that. the flat panel/man in the recliner living room/woman in the kitchen cooking for child scenario kind of freaked me out. i'll devise my own scene (and then i'll get to therapy). and, by the way and because i am queen of the land of justification for any/all purchases (seriously. need help with one? try me.), if you combine the cost of these two items ($120), that means that they were only $60 each! that's beyond bargain. well done. patpat. so these are my new loves. that i will surely love more than the two small people who are supposed to love them. because they don't have 33 years of obsessive-compulsive under their belts. yet. i'm throwing in a personal shopping bug for my own personal gratification (read: unrequited love). though, that is the one that has not been purchased. yet.

bzzzzz...bite

bzzzzz...bite

bzzzzz...

nanny nanny boo boo

whew it's been a little while. well pardon me while i was on vaycay. actually, i went to see family. which many people feel is the antithesis to vacation. but mine was kind of vacationy. i mean i got on an airplane with only one small personal item, a vanity fair (not embarrassing), and an US weekly (slightly embarrassing) and only had my little bad self to worry about. that in and of itself is a vacation. i also doped up on tylenol PM and popped in earplugs and slept until 9 am. but, um, i missed my kids. a lot. especially being around my loved ones little loved ones. i know they would have had so much fun. while my spouse was home(not)alone, he took R and C to a festival where he was fascinated by a couple with their nanny. and it really got me thinking. no offense to nannies. or people who have nannies. (p.s. whenever someone begins something by saying "no offense" it basically means i'm about to offend you. and i'm just saying "no offense" so i can feel better about myself for offending you.). but here i go anyway. i just don't want a nanny (understand that i am not gainfully employed elsewhere). and even in the old days. i wouldn't want someone else to make the bottles. i can make the bottles. yes, i'm tired. i can still make them. know what? they don't get bottles anymore. in the scheme of things, the bottle-making time period was a blip on the radar. and i didn't die from exhaustion. it's kind of the only nutrition/sustenance to enable kind of important things like, i don't know, growth. brain development. life. i'll make them myself. what's the big? what else would i need a nanny for...helping me at a festival? why? i just don't feel like anything is too difficult to do myself or to do with teamwork from my spouse, who said "what about laundry?" and i thought. um, i kind of have a system. and i'm not overwhelmed by laundry. it gets done. and it gets done the way i want it. and, how long will i get to foldhold teeny tiny clothes, anyway? they're already not so teeny tiny as they were before. blip. so, no. "what about dishes?" hmm. same thing. kind-of. wait a minute. dishes would be ok. hmm. vacuuming floors would be ok. cleaning my house would be ok. so no, i don't want a nanny. turns out i want a housekeeper. you don't have to touch the kids. you don't even have to like the kids. you do have to like a dog. i'll go to the grocery store (alone with my kids, no help necessary) and you stay here and do the dishes and vacuum the floors and clean the house. and you have to get the tops of the door frames (everyone forgets those). the things that a nanny could do, i'm sort of attached to. it's ok for someone else to do them every once in a while but i just feel like time goes by sofast. and i don't want to lose any of it. i feel no attachment to my toilets, however.

editorial note: i'm between computers and using windows 98 so thus, no photo here.
it took me 24 minutes to upload this post.