you're getting sleepy...v e r y . . . s l e e p y

it's totally working. i'm being brainwashed by the pottery barn kids. thank my lucky stars i have the wherewithall to recognize it. and snap myself out of it. because i see it happening. it hit me today when i looked at their retro play kitchen (so cute [wait...see what i mean?]) and thought, "only $1399 for the refrigerator and the stove? what a bargain!" that's one thousand three hundred and ninety nine dollars without tax. um, do they work? no. is there a self-cleaning feature on the oven? no. does the refrigerator also have an ice-maker? no. do they actually heat or cool anything? no. they do nothing. nothing. well the doors open. and close. that's a feature, isn't it? but is it a $750 feature? don't think so. i think our current oven is worth about $600. and it, you know, cooks things. we are frequenters of the pottery barn kids storytime (i'm up in the air on whether "storytime" is two words or one). have been for months and months. from the days where the kids observed storytime by way of their stroller because they were not able to "sit" anywhere for more than 15 seconds. ok, they don't "sit" now for more than 15 seconds but now they physically can do it if they want to. they just mostly choose otherwise. but we're getting better. so months and months of storytime at the pottery barn kids where we quickly browse the store and admire the madetolooklikerealgrown-upthings toys and toocuteforspit-up blankets, etc. we occasionally purchase a book or two. usually two. who in their right mind purchases one of anything with twins? i'm not starting that fight. they'll find things to fight over on their own. i don't need to facilitate that occuring. i'm an enabler but in that fight i'm the one who really loses. so i have wondered from time to time why in their right minds the pottery barn kids would host a storytime weekly, which lasts 8 minutes, and then release the children to run amok and play with and smash toys and mess up all their displays which the staff have neatly organized according to national pottery barn kids authority (made up) so that the giant stuffed whale (no, no, it's a toy) is placed carefully on the nautical-themed nightstand next to the bed-in-a-boat. those kids just charge through all of it like elephants (real ones, not toys) and divide and conquer. so why would they allow this? this is what i'm saying. this is why they allow it. because the elephants (kids) like the toys. they like the pottery barn kids. they go in there and it's the best place on earth. there are vacuums (purchased. and it really does work thank you very much. it makes noise. there's a removable dustbuster which has picked up a few dustbunnies even. oh my gosh. do you hear me? look what they've done! i'm like an infomercial for cripe's sake!). whoa. where was i? oh yeah. those national pottery barn authorities are brilliant. they've read the same book written by the national ronald mcdonald authorities and the national joe camel authorities. how can we get to kids, the younger the better, as soon as possible? and let's keep in mind p.s. it's really the parents (me) who like the stuff. it's very clearly me they are brainwashing. not my kids. sure R and C like the toys. they play with them. they have fun. but when it's time to go, a little snack-trap and sippy and they're fine to go home. sometimes they get a parting gift (read: book. ok there was that vacuum once. and the shape sorter. and the ice-cream cones. shit.). also a show of brilliance: creating toys that appeal more to parents than to the kids. kids don't have money (sadly). well they have some but i'm not breaking into a college fund to support the pottery barn kids. oh no. that could be where the brainwashing is heading. it will head there if i break the bank with a $2399 play kitchen (like how the price goes up?). here's the clincher. they don't even need the kitchen. they don't even know they want the kitchen. they are perfectly happy with their babytoddler plastictacious (just made that up) kitchen that is two two two rooms in one. kitchen on one side. living room on one side. and this thing does stuff. it doesn't heat or cool. but it has a radio that plays bad music. it has a faucet that makes water sound. it has a stove-top that makes sizzle sound. it has a light that turns on and off. it was $70. er, $0 (it was a gift). i will not buy the pottery barn kids kitchen. i will not buy the pottery barn kids kitchen. i will not buy the pottery barn kids kitchen. but it is really cute. for me.

i guess it's kind of nice. for a play kitchen.
but totally not worth $3299.