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Friday, October 17, 2008

babysitter boo hoo

i need a babysitter. er. we need a babysitter. my one golden babysitter is gone. she's gone (oh i, oh i'd better learn how to face it. she's gone oh i, oh i'd pay the devil to replace her she's gone). oh hall and oates. i miss her too. sniff. who hand delivers you someone you have known for years and love and trust who just returned from a world tour as a celebrity nanny to twins? God. that's who. God delivered our babysitter to me and now satan has taken her away. and i am babysitterless. do you know how hard it is to find a good babysitter? hard. i was going to try speed dating babysitter match up but then i thought again. you pay $100 for someone to find you random college students and then you stand up and introduce yourself and the matches begin. um. i went through sorority rush once. that ship has sailed. and i'm pretty sure my request for babysitter for two delightful two-year-olds will go over like gangbusters. and what am i paying $100 for? a list of college students. hello i'm on the facebook. i can find college students. and i at least need you to background check for crazy criminals. so i did my own college student search (not on facebook thankyouverymuch). i said there would be background checks and early education majors were preferred. oh yeah and they have to like [big] dogs [hyper]. what crazy criminal is going to agree to a background check and walk into a house of a big hyper dog with two two-year-olds? watch a moving made for tv movie staring meredith baxter birney and you will know. because this is how my mind works. i will come home and my children will be gone and my dog will be dead (in really bad bad dreams it is dead a la fear. i hate you marky mark). i asked my spouse if it would be weird to check identification. you know, to make sure she is who she says she is. of course he said yes. when i ask "is this weird" questions, they generally end in "yes." but in my made for tv movie staring meredith baxter birney after i find my kids missing and my dog departed, i will call the police and say "crazy criminal" stole my kids and killed my dog and the police will say "ma'am [don't police always say ma'am in made for tv movies?] no one exists by that name. did you check her driver's license?" duh. no. i didn't. i didn't check crazy criminal's driver's license because my spouse said it was weird. this weird perspective is counter clockwise to my mother's perception of my finding a babysitter. she. was. appalled. this woman could write serious made for tv movies. hers could pull in a-listers like kathie lee gifford. no M.B.B. rapid fire questions. "well how do you expect me to find a babysitter?" it was as if i pulled up to the local jail, threw keys to my home into the cafeteria and shouted "anyone like kids? come over!" so now i'm just bitter. and researching background checking. and anyone named "crazy criminal." and nannycams. and what it will be like to never leave my house again. boo. hoo.

i totally went to this concert in 1996 and sashayed my 21-year-old bootie up past a vast quantity of bitter 45-year-olds so that i could be in the front row. because it was important to be in the front row. at a hall and oates concert. shame.

6 comments:

Jenny said...

OMg, am crying. Laughing crying. Did I or did I not go to that concert with you?? House of Blues? With blonde Jenny?? And Oates had some serious work done, as in surgical disaster to the face?? and so sad about your sitter leaving you. But like I said, rushing for sitters was not all it's cracked up to be. And I only had to pay $50! Blonde jenny didn't have much luck with it either, so there is your answer. Sitter Ice-Waters = Waste of Time - $100.

betty said...

jenny: don't try to act like you're not sure if you were at the concert. you were there baby. front and center!

Andrew said...

You could refer all your candidates to this post. Make them click on one of your Google ads, then instead of spending $100 to find one - Google pays you to have them fill out the "crazy form".

Fiscal responsiblity. And neither I or Obama will charge you for it.

Austin Aunt said...

I can't believe that you even know who H and O were. When I was in Philadelphia earlier this semester visiting friends, they were interviewing sitters. Can you imagine being a college student and the mother who is interviewing you for child sitting job is a US attorney who specializes in kidnaping and other really bad crimes? Would you like for my friend to do your interviewing?

BigSis said...

Oh, the insanity!!!  You would really just check identification?  Haven't you seen the Melissa Gilbert Lifetime movie where the babysitter was really a man posing as a sorority girl and using a fake ID he formulated at the scary hotel reused from the set of Psycho just to meet the mom of twins, kill her dog and take the kiddos?!?!?!  Keep those babies safe!  Surely it is not that difficult to find another former student who received her training from rockstar twins!

Heather said...

Hey, love your posts and I don’t even have kids. Real suggestion though: if you are really looking for a babysitter try contacting a local homeschooling group. They probably know of some teens that would be up for handling two toddlers. If you’re not familiar with homeschoolers, they aren’t all bible-thumping-hair-down-to-there-homemade-dress wearing-super-smart-saints. Plus, they will probably have easy schedules to work with and be more “with it.” I’m also all for background checks, or at least plugging their names into that free search thingy that tells you if they have tickets and/or warrants. (Yeah, I was homeschooled and did a TON of babysitting.)