Friday, November 28, 2008


i think i have selective memory. is that what it's called? i should say selective positive memory. when i think back to the last (and only) two years with my twins, i have only fond memories. really. it's not like i see a montage of only beautiful peaceful moments where you hear "these are days" by 10,000 maniacs. but it's mostly just a general feeling of it hasn't been that hard. i mean, i can vaguely recall that i was sleepy on a consistent basis for the first one or two. or three. months. but ah. what's a little sleepiness, right? i can more readily recall the eighth month of life which revealed the oh-we're-so-big-time-with-this-crawling-bonkcry-thing-that-we-bonkcry-can-crawl-our-bonkcry-bad-selves-all-over-bonkcry-this-bonkcry-joint. bonkcry. that was a rough week. or two. but ah. what's a few bonkcries? no big. we all moved on. and way back when there was that labor thing. it hurt. and a c-section. it hurt. well, i didn't actually feel it. i was numb. but i knew it was happening with the out-of-body-someone-just-cut-into-my-abdomen-and-extracted-two-people experience. but i think it hurt a little after. but there were drugs. so really? no big. the thing is, i can't recall anything being that hard. but i know in my right, sane (sometimes) mind it was hard. of course it was hard. no experience and two babies. it was hard. but why do i look back and think ah, no big? it wasn't that hard? when i see someone with twin babies i kind of stop dead in my tracks. "uh. that looks sooo hard." um. like i don't know what that is like? why do i say it (to myself) like someone who has never had one kid. let alone two? maybe all of my singing ob-la-di, ob-la-da (thank you beatles) (and thank you that show with that girl. and chad lowe. life goes on! good one) really sunk in. i osmosised myself or subliminated myself (both made up, but you get it) into thinking no big. whatever this superpower is that i have developed, i hope it doesn't fail me now as i enter double two's. i'm not 22. nowhere close. i mean double two-year-olds. because i've been singing a lot lately. now they sing it with me. that's how i know.
bonkcry. no big.

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