nobody puts baby in the corner

actually i want to put baby in the corner. and i am putting baby in the corner. and it's not exactly working. my baby is a 2-year-old toddler and the corner is the ever-so-famous time-out. how do you make a babytoddler stay in a corner? i'm not sure. someone tell me. i end up sitting there with them which seems wrong. i'm just trying to do my job here, people. no one listens to me. ever. ok, sometimes. but it seems like it's not when i really really need them to listen. like when i need someone to hold my hand in a parking lot. is this unreasonable? there are cars. moving cars. that can't see a 2-foot-tall-2-year-old. so you either walk, holding my hand. or you get carried. that's not a bad choice. will someone carry me if i don't want to hold hands? instead. we'll put all of our lives in danger trying to get to the car whilst "holding" a kicking/flailing/screaming/26-pounder. awesome. at least we made it out of the restaurant in peace. which is a gigantic gift for which i thank the Lord above on every occasion on which this happens. seriously. i would get down on my knees and pray but i have two small people running like the wind through a crowded, busy parking lot. in the dark. i've been a delinquent blog poster. i've been slacking. and would you like to know why? because, for example, in the last week i have found one toddler mid-crib-escape and one toddler with a tambourine-head injury. the crib escape was self-interrupted when she was half-way gone. or half-way home. either way. she hoisted one of her little legs up and over the crib rail. perched right there on top. one leg on either side. and she either couldn't decide on a direction for dismount or was too freaked out to decide. so she sat there, using some serious inner-thigh muscle strength, with just enough energy left to shout "STUCK." ok, she's stuck. and she was so scared. i rescued. explained the cozy comfort and safety and security of her crib. and why would she ever try to leave that. and she agreed. yes, she did. needed a hug. i thought she was so freaked, surely she wouldn't repeat. until five hours later when it was nap time. and the crib was turned around so the short rail is now against the wall. oh, i'm sorry, both cribs were turned around so the short rail is now against the wall. because you know C, while admiring the sweet embrace of the rescue, started hoisting his little leg up on his rail too. copycat. i'm patting myself on the back for this one. even though i'm nervous about a jinx. but that day (that day!) they returned to a normal nap, even after the hoopla and have been sleeping peacefully ever since. don't take this away from me evil universe! i'll never pat myself on the back again, i swear! so now on to the tambourine head-injury. which occurred at school. without my knowledge or witness. so i really don't know what happened. except when i picked C up his head had two red blotches and it looked like he had been through something. tambourine. not what i expected. the little guy put the tambourine on his head. good idea, right? everyone loves a tambourine on the head! but not when it stays there. and won't come off. it's a great party trick. when you've had too much boone's farm strawberry hill. not in pre-pre-school (everyone sober) (i think) (i hope). if he did this when he was just a little older, he would totally be called "mr. tambourine man." the tambourine was so secure on his noggin, lotion was involved in the removal and tears. i can't fault the teachers. who would expect a tambourine on the head? not even i. i'm fairly certain he has recovered fully. we've been talking about it all day. processing.
tomorrow i'm going to climb out of the crib (have to get in there first) while wearing a tambourine on my head in an attempt to land myself in time-out (read: baby in corner). i'll let you know how it goes.