it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

we are living life in contradiction. for example, when someone says "do it" (i'm sorry, it's more like "DOIT!"), you might think someone wants you to do something. au contraire mon frere. someone wants to DOIT themself. herself. so don't go trying to help. because your help might be seen as a plotted strategy to destroy plans that have been in the making for.ever. (for 3 seconds). when one says "no k" your initial reaction might be "she said o.k., i should proceed." not so fast, fasty. "no k" is a hybrid. "no" and "ok." makes perfect sense right? "do you want me to tie your shoes?" "no k." um. this could go either way. i feel like a charlie's angel (kate, please) trying to choose between the red wire and the white wire seconds before the boat explodes. and this boat is about to explode. believe me. just so you know, R never wants help. except for that 1 out of 2,048 time. then she wants help. rightnow. andhowcouldyoubesostupidfornotknowing. when someone wants her baby stella to have juice. she doesn't mean you should bring down the juice. dumbass. she means she wants to be relocated to the juice. don't bring the juice to her. bring her to the juice. she said "juice" for cripe's sake. how could you not know that? here's another. "like it." aw. she likes it! she really likes it! um, no. she hates it. like means hate. d.u.h. also important to note: "big hug" means tackle when spoken during forward motion toward her brother. "crayons." "um, sure we can do crayons. let's clean up what we're doing. let's stop any plans that mommy had so that i can accommodate your every whim. let's get out the crayons." [exactly 1 crayon is touched. and then it's over]. so when you said crayons, you really meant "like it" as in you hate the crayons? i think i'm piecing this together. it's hard to be an angel. all of these complexities of semantics and God forbid you make the wrong choice! you're done. sabrina will be stuck gagged in that chair with her hands tied for.ever. she'll be stranded on the beach without a bikini. or a scarf. [gasp]. you'll be forced to start a luxurious clothing line to be sold at kmart. contradiction, remember?

next time i'll choose white.