i miss rock of love

there, i said it. g.D.it. i'm not proud. it's not like i have oodles of time to fire up the old tube but when i get a fleeting moment in the two-hour-time span (15 minutes in actual, real, mommy time...blog post in and of itself forthcoming) between kids in bed and me in bed i like to check out my DVR greatest hits recorded and, well, i'm finding myself stopping on "the goodnight show" because i've heard that's a good one. or i know that's a good one. and it is a good one. for my one-year-olds. poor brain. poor poor mommy brain. i don't want to watch "the goodnight show." ever. let alone when not in my childrens' company. i want my "rock of love." i want my random acts of skankiness (not in the dictionary but surely i didn't just make this up. skunkiness and stinkiness just won't cut it). i mean, hello bret. it's already been over six fake months. let's move on. i know you had like at least seven seasons planned immediately after the first heart break [throat clearing]. we all know you didn't enter into any kind of relationship with ambRE. it's ambre with an r.e. in case you didn't catch that. you two just have some agreement to fake the funk so you can continue to promote what i think you're calling your "solo" album which is scary in and of itself. and she can promote her 45-year-old "host" bootie. ok she's not 45 but chica lied lied lied about her age so as not to damage her career as a "host." a "host" of some random local daytime spot which i'm sure wouldn't have the discretion to discriminate against a 37-year-old (real age), or a 32-year-old (fake age). whatever. so the point of all this is i'm ready to move on. surely bret michaels is ready to move on. let's get going. i know what you're thinking. i've tried other shows. i tried the bachelor brit. yawn. and don't tell me he proposed to a 22-year-old actress who believed she was on "one life to live" at every moment the camera was rolling on this show. why do people propose on that show? just let it be like "rock of love." that's what's really happening behind the scenes. they just want to be able to call it a "family" show. so they try to keep it "clean" though that is debatable. my kids aren't watching either. i'm trying to think which messages are worse. that's a dissertation waiting to happen. too bad mine is done already. snooze. i also tried the bravo go-to. i do love my bravo. and when all else fails there's got to be something salvageable on there. "the millionaire matchmaker?" that matchmaker will make anyone she's trying to set you up with look good. good strategy. points for ingenuity. points for chutzpah. not enough points though. delete. delete. delete. let's try "workout." that was good one season. last season. is it wrong to eat an ice cream sandwich while watching "workout?" it was skinny cow. mint. deelicious. spoiler alert: no, it's not wrong to eat an ice cream sandwich while watching "workout." know why? that's the only way you'll get through it. yawn. i don't know why i liked it last year. maybe the newness. i need my kathy griffin. i need my "project runway." and by God i need my "rock of love." and i'm not afraid to say it.

the only way i'm getting through tv with no rock of love.

p.s. it looks safe but they left out the 62% high fructose corn syrup. don't know why.