scaredy cat

um, when your kids are napping do you ever make yourself wait to go to the bathroom and flush the toilet until the air conditioning in your house kicks on so the air conditioner muffles the sound of the flushing toilet so as not to disturb the sleepage (just made that up)? i mean, I don't do that. i was just wondering. so, when your kids are playing with another qualified adult nearby do you ever sneak around doing whatever you are doing (reading the mail, making dinner, cleaning, bon bons [you know, the yoojzh]) so that your kids don't see you and freak out that you are separated (OHMYGODWHYAREWESEPARATEDHOWCOULDYOULEAVEUSYOUHORRIBLEMOMMY?!)?

me neither.
based on these two hypothetical scenarios, am i scared of my kids or what? am i afraid of them? my 23 pound offspring? what are they going to do to me? cry? scream? big whoop. i've heard a little crying and screaming in my day. and it's not like they could take me. if push came to shove, and sometimes it does (note: they push and shove me. and each other. and the dog. don't worry. i have neither pushed nor shoved either of them), i could take them. i was here before them. i created them. i wrote the book they're reading (ripping). why must i live in fear?

if you don't know me, this is exactly what i look like. but with crazier hair. and i'm not a cat.