Sunday, January 27, 2008

new vice

i think it's time for a new vice, don't you?
pre-babies i had vices such as too-high-heeled shoes, clothes, caffeine, alcohol, purses, etc. clearly these vices are not appropriate for my new improved everyday life. i am especially mourning the demise of the high heels. i just cannot bring myself to purchase a new pair of high-heeled shoes because when i figure out the CPW (cost per wear) it is way too ridiculous. for example, i found this beautiful pair of shoes recently for $90. these shoes are magnificent. they are trendy. they have a 3.5 inch heel. when exactly will i wear them again? let's say i wear them once every three months (even if i put them on during the kids' naps and sit at the computer wearing them), these shoes only have a shelf-life of two years max due to trendinessability (just made that up). so, let's see...worn once in three months for two years (my SAT and GRE are flashing before my eyes and it's not pretty). i think that is four times a year for two years. i feel woozy. that totals eight times. i would wear these shoes eight times. so, now the big, complicated math: at $90 (without tax), the CPW on these babies would be (using the calculator for this one) $11.25. that's shelling out $11.25 each time i put them on my feet. that's a lot. too much. i mean they are fabulous but are they $11.25 PER wear fabulous? when you consider that to be doing something i will already be paying someone else $15 per hour to babysit...this is beyond nonsensical (real word). to really drive the point home i could have added babysitting fees to the CPW but then i will seriously never leave the house again. cute shoes or not. here are the lovelies...

i mean, are they not beautiful?

so, shoes as a vice are currently out. alcohol and caffeine are still used in moderation but if it is moderation, it's not a bona fide vice. you could apply the same CPW logic from above to clothing and purses too... wait a minute. purses? what's a mommy version of a purse, you ask? holy diaper bag. i can have diaper bags as a vice. the justifications for this vice are endless.
it's practical.
it's for the babies. they need it.
i don't even want one but C has asked for it several times and it just pains me to break his little heart.
my old one was too big.
my old one was too small.
we've moved from bottles to sippies. need more room.
their diapers are bigger now. (p.s. need i remind you i am carrying diapers for two?)
speaking of two. can i play the "twins" card for this one? absolutely. i should just be able to say i DID contiguously carry and bring into this world TWO babies. what's a new bag?
i have to carry snacks at all times. need better organization.
i can't keep up with them hauling around some giant bag i, myself, can fit into. need smaller bag.
i have to hide my cell phone and keys from them. need more pockets.
(side note: no one really uses that little clippy hook thing for their keys do they?)
cheeriotastrophe (yep, made up). mess cannot be cleaned.
i just need something for quick trips (as if), i need to downsize. need smaller bag.
see? endless justifications.
challenge me. i can come up with more.
so maybe i have gone through four total diaper bags to date. i'm not touching the CPU (cost per use) on this one. leave me alone. i have even purchased bags that go inside the diaper bag for better organization. i've got issues, i mean i've got a vice. i love a good vice! nonetheless, here is a picture of my brand new beautiful diaper bag that i love. is it a coincidence that the bag matches the shoes? i think not.


Jenny said...

REALLY appreciated this entry. Loved it actually. So are you gonna turn this blog thing into a book or what? You should. I will be your editor... for free. I pretty much have to offer up the free thing, seeing as how you would be hiring an editor who clearly has a spelling problem. Think about it.

Andrew said...

Just to recap...

I (your husband) found out about the bag when the guy in brown rang the door bell, but the blogsphere gets to understand your rationale?

Don't get me wrong after the second sentence of your rationale I would have said "yes", but wow who knew?

Also, do you have a plan (not a fourteen paragraph explanation) of your vice when our babies don't need a bag? If so, could we discuss?

Great. Thanks. ;)

Smooch said...

I think you're ALWAYS going to need a bag bigger than the average clutch. Even when they are out of diapers you'll need to carry snacks, your day planner, leotards, etc. Of course, I'm an enabler. My diaper bags;
1. too large for everyday, but good for travel
2. Good everyday size, but has curious george on it. Must use sparingly.
3. Got a smaller bag but now seems too small.
4. Find in Nordstroms 50% off, but it isn't REALLY a diaper bag. Will the inside stand up to snacks? We'll have to see.

sherrisanders said...
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