Wednesday, January 30, 2008

expert advice

so, i get these weekly updates on the development of my children, well any children their age, from people whom i assume know what they're talking about. they are "experts." they allegedly have done some reading, some research. they have family members who are doctors. they were kids once. i don't know. i don't really know who they are exactly. i just know "they" send me weekly updates. usually they are right on with R's and C's development and whatnot. it's pretty amazing. it's like they know exactly what is happening with them. wait, maybe they are stalking us. i knew we should have made our blog private from the beginning. if i find out they reside in indonesia, case closed (someone in indonesia was checking our blog. i don't know anyone in indonesia, do you? do i even know where indonesia is?).'s what made me question their judgement recently. and i am quoting here:

"Give her an open sippy cup and watch how she tries to screw the lid on, then off again."

seriously. do you need to read it again?

"Give her an open sippy cup and watch how she tries to screw the lid on, then off again."

the "experts" are suggesting that you should TEACH your kids how to unscrew a sippy cup lid? forget having kids. have they ever even SEEN a kid before? this rules out the stalking. they've clearly never seen C and R. who needs to teach them how to take the top off of a sippy? i'm sure my days are numbered anyway. R is the girl who crammed her tiny little hand and tiny little wrist through a cabinet door (that was "babyproofed" thank you very much. actually these bastards are probably the ones who TOLD me how to babyproof the cabinet, come to think of it) carefully removed a glass top from a container and threw it on the floor. i was, of course, preparing her dinner at the time. preparation goes something like this: chop. chop. chop. chop. chop. dice. dice. chop. chop. chop. chop. dice. dice. dice. dice. it was a bit of a fiasco. i would say debacle but i reserve that word for only the most serious of fiascos. the glass shattered and the situation was only made worse by the introduction of the dustbuster to remove tiny glass particles from the floor. and those babies flew (glass particles, not the actual babies. believe me, flying babies would be it's own post). C is the boy who at 8 months or so, just getting the crawling thing down, hoisted his bad little self up 9 steps. um, i was just coming to grips with the crawling. now there is actual climbing? i couldn't scream for fear of scaring him into backwards motion. he survived. i survived. no dustbuster necessary. gates up the next day.

here is the point of all this: i'm fairly certain i don't have to TEACH my crafty little smarties how to do ANYTHING i don't want them to do. that's what my spouse is for (love you, sweetie). he *may* have taught them how to move their lips with their fingers to sound like porky pig and how fun it is to sit on top of high objects. neither of which is in any way close to the damage from unscrewing the lid to a sippy cup. they already chuck their sippies overboard as it is. let's just add fuel to the fire with unscrewing the top of the sippy prior to said chucking. awesome.


Austin Aunt said...

Rumor has it that the father of one adorable Reese taught her how to throw too! I am thinking about teaching her how to drive me to Nordstrom's when I am too old to drive myself. My goodness....C and R already know the way to Nordstrom's now we just have to work on the driving part!

RowdyGirls said...

followed the link in your AMOM post to here... too fun! and I hear ya, no unnecessary skilz regarding food or liquid dispersement are being encouraged around our house either -christel

CeCe said...

On Monday, in my Anthropology class, with my professor who looks like Anthony Bourdain, and me being the lone education person among all the Anthro doc students, we had a discussion about the cultural phenomenon of "experts". This would be people who we have ascribed (perscribed, described?)the title to, or who are self proclaimed experts. And we actually listen to them religiously. Did you know Dr. Phil and Dr. Laura are actually not doctors? And then we talked about reality shows and American's fascination. This conversation I was following. And then we talked about panopticons, and I sunk back into being the lone education person.